| (no subject) |
[Aug. 29th, 2008|04:29 pm] |
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amherst is now crawling with students again. kill me. |
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| things that will happen |
[Jul. 18th, 2007|12:19 pm] |
in the new harry potter book
j;lvakjilejlSPOILERS!!!!alsdjflkjl;kas
at least one person will die
there will be a movie about it
it will have an excessive number of pages
titled: the deathly hallows
people will read it
people will probably be disappointed
rowling will still suck at writing books
hope i ruined everything for you all! |
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| new phone |
[Jul. 3rd, 2007|02:27 pm] |
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finally have a new phone. new rule: DONT text me. i know it was the opposite before, but now it costs more for texts than for calls, so please call me instead of texting me. number is the same for those of you who know it and for those of you who dont and want it just hit me up. |
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| that's what she said |
[Mar. 29th, 2007|04:15 pm] |
ok here goes
this is geared mostly toward those people that accompanied me on my epic trek to the far away land of ... MYRTLE BEACH, SOUTH CAROLINA (ooooooooohhh) dont believe that other bullshit that anyone else says (unless it directly agrees with what is written here) this is the TRUE story.
CHAPTER ONE: THE DRIVE
once upon a time, a strong, talented, handsome, well-hung young man by the name of Grassy awoke at the crack of noon and said, "i think i will go to myrtle beach." but being the charismatic individual that he was, millions of fans rushed screaming to his door at the moment of his decision, in hopes of being allowed to accompany him on his trip. at last, after much deliberation, grassy decided to bring along schmeaghan (hereafter referred to as m because schmeaghan is far too long to type), scott, and scott's pet ... thing, corinne (hereafter named c, which is short for cow. or corinne. whatever.) hanyway. with his three fans waiting, grassy embarked on the journey to UMASS, where he met up with his unlikely companions. at approximately 4 pm on friday, there was much snow to be found. every-freakin-where. what should have been a 40 minute drive turned out to be a 3 hour deathtrip to westfield where the companions found humble accommodations for the evening. now, grassy arrived in a different car from his friends, because he didnt want to leave it at umass. forgetting that he had no treads on his back tires, the trek was a terrible one, but thanks to his excellent driving skills, he was able to make it safely to the westfield abode after getting only moderately parted from his friends, who were so eager to get to the home, forgot poor, poor grassy and left him behind at a friendly's, thinking this to be a second home to grassy and thinking that they would shelter him for the night. but fear not dear friends, for as was already mentioned, grassy made it to the westfield house of corinne and showed the companions that it would take much more than that to be rid of the great grassy. onwards! after sleeping the night with corinnes parents upstairs, the friends awoke and to their great dismay, snow had eaten their cars! there was nothing that the friends (from now on we shall call them... the grassketeers or g-strings for short) could do except wait for the snow to disappear a little while watching jedi and eating corned beef. at 8 pm, the gstrings left the whc (westfield house of corinne) and proceeded towards myrtle beach. things were going well and we stopped at a rest area in jersey and grassy suddenly had an inspiration. TACO BELL! m suggested that they visit the one in east brunswick because she knew how to get us there. unfortunately, scott did not. we shall not blame scott for his lack of jersey knowledge. we shall instead blame jersey for being so ridiculous and crappy of roads. there was a slight mix up and the gstrings headed toward new brunswick and not east brunswick. in an attempt to turn around, scott realized that jersey was more fucked up than he knew and found that he could not simply u-ie. in jersey you have to take a right to go left. so m screams from the back GO RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so scott turns right at an even 74 miles an hour... directly into a 6 foot drop. the car plummeted to its doom, but was saved thanks to grassy going "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" after surviving the fucked-up-jersey-cliff-of-death, the companions found themselves on the wrong side of the road, exactly at the time that another car was headed their way. scott miraculously swerved out of the way as the car nearly beheaded ours and he pulled through the intersection so quick that he nearly missed the road on the other side. swerving back onto the road, scott managed to get the gstrings back on track and headed towards the taco bell of life. but all was not well. even at the taco bell of life, puertoricans were swarming everywhere, eager to eat our delicious tacos. confident in their ability to fend off any attack, the strings locked their doors and ate their tacos in peace. since taco bell was close to the ebhm (east brunswick house of schmeaghan), m drove us to her home, where the friends were nearly eaten by two ferocious, man-eating, fire-breathing dogs of doom. m used her super dog-taming powers and quelled the beasts while her parents brought us delicious snacks for the ride. with snacks in hand, the gstrings once again set out for mb. fatigued from saving the group from near-certain death from jersey roads and puertoricans, scott and grassy switched seats so that grassy might drive the last 30 miles out of jersey and on through to north carolina. here the strings changed drivers again and set out with m at the helm. after an hour and a half, grassy awoke, with fresh vigor and drove on to mexican land aka SOUTH OF THE BORDER! what promised to be a long stop shortened drastically when grassy declared that the bathrooms in campy mexico town were not safe for pooping, so c took the wheel and drove on toward the mihcg (murrells inlet house of corinne's grandparents). full into morning by now, the friends were hungry and so they stopped at an innocent looking mcdonalds, but looks can be deceiving. grassy discovered that what seemed to be an egg mcmuffin was actually a fetus! with love mixed between the two halves of english muffin, sperm and egg met to form a fetus in the shape and taste of delicious food. grassy then saved the friends from eating any more fetus by running out of the mcdonalds, warning other would-be customers that the supposed egg mcmuffins were in fact, fetuses. away from the evil mcdonalds, the gstrings drove on without further incident until they reached the mihcg, where they were greeted warmly after their long trip of overnight driving. and thus, at approximately 11 am on sunday, the friends napped until it was time to be fed. tune in next time for the second installment of SPRING BREAK IN MYRTLE BEACH SLASH WASHINGTON DC! cuz i am just too damned tired of typing to continue right now. |
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| story time |
[Feb. 14th, 2007|08:22 pm] |
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so apparently i have to share this story with all of umass. the other day, i was sitting in my room and mostly naked. i had a towel on as i was about to shower. i hear a knock at the door. scott (my roommate to those who don't know) has been in class for a while and isn't due back for some time yet. i know it's not corinne (scott's woman) because scott's not around, so i figure it's some solicitor trying to sell me one of their cds again. i open the door and there's this slightly overweight black chick standing outside my door with backpack and jacket on and with notebooks in hand. minor side note: on the door to the building there's a sign that says: classes in 'dksn' are at the police building, dickinson hall. classes in dickinson dorm are labeled 'emily'. so, upon opening the door, the girl looks around the room behind me, and at me dressed only in my towel and states that she has a class in 209 dickinson. this is clearly a dorm room. not knowing what else to say, i calmly tell her that this is dickinson dorm, and that her class is in dickinson hall, the police building near southwest. often the cleaning woman explains this to lost students looking for classes, but this is the first time that anyone has actually knocked on my door, expecting the small 8' x 13' room and man in a towel, to be a classroom. end. |
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| fine. have at it |
[Jan. 23rd, 2007|07:21 pm] |
2 Points) My name:
(4 Points) My last name:
(4 Points) Who am I in love with:
(1 Points) Where did we meet:
(6 Points) Take a stab at my middle name:
(1 Points) Where do I work:
(3 Point) What am I afraid of:
(2 Points) Do I smoke :
(3 Points) Do I drink:
(3 points) Do you think Im a virgin:
(1 Point) Do I have any siblings:
(2 Points) How many:
(2 Points) What's one of my favorite things to do:
(1 Point) How many piercings do I have:
(4 Points) How many tattoos do I have:
(3 Points) What's my favorite type of music:
(4 Points) Am I shy or outgoing:
(3 Points) Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules:
(2 Points) Whats my favorite color:
(3 Points) Name something I hate:
(4 Points) Name a talent I have:
(4 Points) Whats my phone number:
(4 Points) What kind of sneakers do I wear:
(4 Points) Do I have any pets:
(2 Points) Who am I dating/liking right now:
(5 Points) How long have I been dating them:
(5 points) How tall am I:
(5 Points) What is my worst habit:
(5 Points on creativeness) If I were stranded on a desert island, what would I bring: |
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| dream last night |
[Jan. 7th, 2007|06:44 pm] |
so
im in dickinson
only its not really dickinson
i 'remembered' it this way from orientation (dream orientation, never actually saw the building prior to living there)
anyway dream dickinson looked funny and i was on the wrong side
actually it looked kinda like my middle school come to think of it
only i came in from the back entrance and it had two hallways separated by a wall in front of me (building shaped kinda like a horseshoe). only there should have been two hallways but one of them was just a brick wall even though there was a sign above it (something about it being a hallway) and then i realized that i was on the third floor and went down to the second floor and it was regular and i realized that my confusion occured because i dont live on the third floor and omg i cant fucking type right now and i think ive hit the backspace key 239847938 times all the other keys on the keyboard together and when i got to the second floor of dream dickinson, jim was there. and jim wanted apple juice. so despite the fact that real life jim has a car, dream jim wanted me to drive him to dream stop and shop even though i had a class to go to. so we pull onto route nine ( which is actually like its supposed to be in real life) and then it becomes dream route nine because somehow the car and road are gone and me and jim are on a bike on a path next to some playing field. and theres a tree in the way but the bike wont fit in the gap under the roots so jim climbs under the tree to the other side and i pass the bike to him around the tree and then climb around the tree cuz im too fatty to climb through the hole underneath it. that out of the way, we suddenly find ourselves mowing some of the grass at the outskirts of the field and this mexicanish guy with this old school lookin mower (only its powerized) comes over and tells us we do it wrong and finishes the job for us only we stay there and watch him instead of going to storp and shorp. unfortunately, jim never gets his apple juice cuz i woke up at that point. sorry jim.
end of dream story and idk where the spell check button is cuz i never use it and i dont even know if there is one cuz i never use it and ordinarily i wouldnt care only ive backspaced so many times im sure theres some shit i missed but since i cant find the spell check thing that may or may not exist im not gonna worry about it although im sure either meaghan or corinneeeee will comment on this and tell me how to find it or tell me that it doesnt exist which in either case it wont matter because even if i know where it is or that it doesnt exist i never intend to use it in the future or bother ever to look for it so too bad for you if i happen to not realize i spelled something wrong because i backspaced too many times or not enough. does this make me a hypocrite? yes scott. it does. oh wait i just found the spell check button. well im still not gonna use it cuz i just wrote that whole thing. |
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| graaaaades |
[Jan. 4th, 2007|02:34 pm] |
CLASSICS 224 Greek Mythology A-
GERMAN 110 Elementary German B
HISTORY 141 Eur Hist 1815-Presnt C-
SPANISH 126 Elementary Intensive B
cume gpa: 2.38something (not gettin my ass kicked outta colidge)
and a c- is higher than i expected to get in history which means that it counts for major and i dont have to take it over |
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| sex with butter (corinnes idea) |
[Dec. 28th, 2006|11:24 pm] |
anyone willing to heat up a tub of butter a little bit and have sex with it: let me know if its anything like a vagina
ps: this was corinnes idea and she would also like to know if having sex with a stick of butter and then spreading it on toast makes for good eats |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 21st, 2006|07:51 pm] |
you guys
today
at the blue wall
i almost got eaten by a mole person
it was the most scariest experience ever of my life |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 19th, 2006|09:52 pm] |
 Dear Santa...
Dear Santa,
This year I've been busy!
In August I gave ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) cardxiv a Dutch Oven (-10 points). In September I committed genocide... Sorry about that, captaindelaware (-5000 points). In April I had a shoot-out with rival gang lords on the 5 near LA (-76 points). In March I donated bone marrow to rbf311 in a life-saving procedure (300 points). Last Monday I bought porn for sekaijuuni (-10 points).
Overall, I've been naughty (-4796 points). For Christmas I deserve a moldy sandwich!
Sincerely,
legendofgrassy |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 7th, 2006|12:24 pm] |
thank you stalkerbook for showing me meaghans new facebook club.
it about is 10 commandments of zee collej stuudent. i didnt join cuz there was only one that really applied to my life, but o god is it true. and as i have already posted it on my facebook account, im just so damned excited about it that i post it here too (and naturally used it as an away message) ok. you ready? here goes:
Thou Shalt Write Witty Away Messages
Student asked, but God, how will I show everyone that I am funny? And God said unto him, thou shall write witty away messages. God said to student, you shall never just say you are in the shower, you shall say you are getting wet and wild…in the shower. You shall never say you are at class, you shall say you are sleeping…in class. God said, if you do not write witty away messages, I shall smite you. Blessed are the funny, for they will get many girls to be their friends but never hook up with them. And it was good.
so freakin true. thank you meaghan/stalkerbook |
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| time for a story |
[Oct. 26th, 2006|04:34 pm] |
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once upon a time there was a woggle. the woggle was allergic to white people. the woggle ate only vegetables so he wouldnt accidentally eat a white person. anyway, one day the woggle was woggling his way through the woods when all of a sudden, a hippopotomus jumped out of a tree right in front of him. he said that he ate woggles like him for breakfast. naturally, the woggle was scared and he ran away screaming like a little girl. (but not a white girl, cuz then hed die). the hippo chased the woggle until they met a camel. the camel was dead. so. technically. they ran into a skeleton of a camel. and they studied the camel for no apparent reason for about 3 hours. nothing interesting happened because the camel was already dead. it didnt do any tricks, it didnt play hide and seek, and it didnt eat white people either. because it was dead, not because it was allergic to them. so after the hippo and the woggle finally stopped looking at the dead camel, they played ring around the rosey until the woggle tripped over flat ground and into a bush that was NOWHERE NEAR IT. and the hippo lunged but the woggle got away just in time. so the hippo chased the woggle some more, but then they saw a deer. it had hooves and antlers. because thats what deerses have. hippos are naturally attracted to deerses so it tried to have sex with it but the deer said he wasnt gay and ran away. but the hippo was like, "its not gay when a man hippo and a man deer have sex" so the deer was like, "ok" and they fucked. a lot. meanwhile, the woggle was trying to get away and he ran into a nun. (but it was a black nun so it was ok, he didnt die. but not like whoopi goldberg, more like... not in movies) anyway, the nun was afraid of the cock so she tried to run away from the woggle (who happened to have a cock because it was a male woggle, but its cock was black too) so the nun tried to run away but the woggle said, "oh please, just a little? its not like youre a lesbian either" and she said "thats why im a nun (and cuz my grandfather always wanted me to be)" so the nun got away safely. safely away from both hippo and nun, the woggle found himself in a giant cartoon world. he walked around and saw this girl with ridiculously spikey hair, who sounded like she was constipated, and had a big plus sign on her forehead and a tear drop on the back of her head. (but she was japanese, which is not white) but it was still kinda weird. so the woggle went back the way he came, but the cartoon chick fell on the floor and then got up and jumped in fast and then slow motion toward the woggle and there were these random lines everywhere and none of it made sense so the woggle ran away really fast. then out of nowhere came the hippo again and the woggle said, "ok, thats enough of you you fuckin hippo!" and he ate him. except, in a cruel twist of fate, the hippo was actually a white guy and the woggles throat swelled up and he suffocated to death. the end. |
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| the end of the world |
[Sep. 28th, 2006|12:43 pm] |
so
despite the fact that i dont usually read the newspaper, i did happen to glance at a headline in the globe today that said the iraqi war was costing nearly 2 billion dollars a week. now the US is already in trillions of dollars worth of debt and this is just adding to it. it was because of this headline that i finally realized how the world was gonna end. all the other countries in the world hate us so one day theyre all gonna get together and be like, america. what the shit. and theyre all gonna call in our debts to them all at once. now cheney tells bush this is bad and bush goes oh shit and he raises the fuck out of the taxes (only of the not rich, mind) and everybody goes what the fuck goddamnit and decides, fuck you bush, this is the last straw and then they all revolt. so now bush has 7 million thousand armies like, where the fuck is our money, and hes got all the americans goin give us back our money and the only people who profit from this are the mexicans cuz they just come right in and chill in everyones houses while theyre all fighting the border patrols who are now riot police. anyway. the whole countrys in turmoil and bush says wait. i have a solution. and everyone goes oh shit (all over the world) and launches nukes at all of the countries who want their money back. now all of those countries are blowed up and theres a nuclear holocaust (however you spell it) and the americans are all like omfg bush!! and they all kill the government so now america is destroyed. canadas like, oh boy this is our chance and they invade us with their secret underground army and they then control the united states. so now the only people left in the world are the canadians, south america, africa, and the mexicans. south america doesnt do shit so they dont even realize what the fuck is going on. the mexicans are havin a field day cuz they get whatevers left of america. the canadians now own all of the world north of the equator, and africa is still poor. only their less poor than everyone else because all of everything evaporated in the nuclear launches. now the canadians decide to annex africa, and win obviously, because africa is now the richest continent in the world. then the canadians take over mexico on their new southern border and the mexicans are like, whatever man just as long as we get to keep our stolen green cards (cuz green cards to mexicans are like sex). so now canada owns all the world except for south america who still have no idea what the hell is going on. then just as canada decides to invade south america, all the gasses from the nukes infest the atmosphere and all the peoples' reproductive organs fall off (that means all the penises and vaginas corinne) ((yes the vaginas fall off too. dont ask me how, its some secret chemical in the nuclear gass)). so nobody can breed anymore and the only people left are really old because everyone else got killed off when canada invaded. so after about 30 years everyone is dead (except the mexicans because somehow they were immune to the effects of the nuclear gasses) but theyre too busy still trying to get over the fence on the border to mate, so they start droppin off too. eventually, the only people left on earth are ethiopians who had a secret advanced underground civilization where everyone lived except the robots they put above ground to confuse the white man, and they come out of their hole in the ground at exactly the same time as a meteor comes down and blows up the earth. so. the earth is destroyed by a meteor because the war in iraq costs 2 billion dollars a week. the end. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 19th, 2006|04:28 pm] |
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iwasgonnapostsomethingaboutmyrecentgoingsonbutthenirealizedthattherearenorecentgoingsonsavethatimstartinatfriendlysandthatitsmy gatewaydrugbutyouallalreadyknowthatanywaysothenidecidednottopostanythingaboutrecentgoingsonbutthatishouldstillpostsomethingabouthowiwasgonnapostbutthendecidednottooandialsodecidednottouseanypuntuationorspacingjusttopissallofyouoffwhichisreallyhardtodobecauseimsousedtohittingthespacebaraftereverywordsoitsdemandingconstantconcentrationandiguessthatisallfornowbecauseihavetogotoworksogoodbye |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 8th, 2006|11:45 pm] |
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i just realized that i am carrying jesus in my belly. someone asked me when i was due, and me being 5 months along would put number 9 around christmas so i said december 25. and thats when i realized that i am corinnes opposite. she carried the antichrist and now i will give the second birth to jesus. thats right. its the second coming of christ. judgement day is upon you. repent now or forever hold your pee. jesus is coming, everybody look busy. bitches. |
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| own! |
[Aug. 4th, 2006|10:52 am] |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 28th, 2006|10:31 am] |
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oh ya and i saw clerks 2. most hilarious fucking movie ive seen in a long time. so fucking funny. see it if you havent already. |
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| story time |
[Jul. 28th, 2006|10:26 am] |
ok deep breath. here goes
;slagjsoij
thats my summer
well i suppose i could slow it down for you just a little bit
i get home from school, life is boring, i apply to at least 20 places for jorbs and finally end up with one where i already worked a year ago: packin fudge. so then scott and corinne come over and we hang out and go to cambridge and stuff and then they leave. then about 3 weeks into the fudgery, i get three people finally calling me back about jorbs that i applied for back in may. so then i get laid. well, lemme back up a little. the hottest chick that i have ever been out with. im workin with her and we go to kids day together (for all of you fagets that don't know what kids day is, FUCK YOU for not living in north attleboro) and apparently that marks the day that we started goin out. i didnt find out until about a week and a half later from somebody else i work with. but whatever. so that first night i go over to her house cuz shes got a pool and she got mostly nekked (but she had a bathing suit cuz we were swimming) and i shat myself because she is fuckin hot shit. not that she's fuckin hot shit, cuz she doesnt have a penis, so she really couldnt fuck hot shit, unless of course you were talking about me because you were calling me hot shit, in which case youd be right. cuz i banged her. and. even though it was like a month and a half later than it was supposed to happen (i blame corinne) and over a year and a half since the last time, umm, wow. so then i lost my camp jorb because some fucking first year counselor tried to get me fired. k. you guys know me. im a little... different. i wiped a little bit of sweat from my forehead on her as a joke. gross, maybe not funny at all, but whatever, it was meant as a joke. 2 weeks after the only time it happens, my boss tells me that he cant allow me to stay at camp because she felt "uncomfortable" and even though it wasnt sexual harassment, it was too close for him to take a chance with me. so he sent me to another branch of the department to do landscaping at an hour cut. again. i think thats about it. hopefully ill be gettin my six flags on soon but thats about all i got. the end. |
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